So, a million years ago, exitsign and I wrote this filthy story about Drake & Josh & Yooka, the crazy exchange student. It was called Like a Goat and Carriage and was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to that universe.



exitsign: See, okay, they *all* stood in the circle with the sacred rag wrapped around them holding hands. All three of them. But? Because the writers are punks. *Only* Drake and Yooka got married. So to combat their assiness I have decided that Josh? Is a backup. Let's say Drake is trampled by goats. What will poor Yooka do? Goat trampling probably happens a lot in Yodonia. A girl's gotta have a backup plan, man.
carleton97: Totally. That's valid.
carleton97: And, if both spouse and back up are alive, well...
exitsign: The more cock to go around! wheee!
carleton97: And you know, crazy european girls totally get behind the idea of their husbands and backups doing the deed.
exitsign: They do indeed. Because, you know, the husband has to "give" a part of himself to the backup husband to, er, prove that he, um, trusts him. Or, um, somethingsomethinggaysex.
exitsign: YOUR BABYJUICE IS YOUR SOUL, DRAKE!!!!
carleton97: ;lzkj;alkjdflkjasdf
carleton97: And how does Josh feel about all of this craziness?
exitsign: Josh wants it bad.
carleton97: Right! Because as main spouse it's Drake's job to take care of them both. Heh.
exitsign: ahahaha. omg. yes. that too definitely.
carleton97: which Yooka informs him.
exitsign: ahah yes! omg yes! And like maybe Yooka isn't even *allowed* to have actual intercourse with Josh until Drake kicks it?
carleton97: YES!
exitsign: They can do *everything* else but just no hide the sausage. Sorry, Josh. Not that you mind though.
carleton97: Or! If you're into the hot, they can't unless Drake is there?
exitsign: oooh. Yes. Like, Drake and Yooka can fuck whenever with or without him. Because he's just the backup. Maybe it's *preferable* they do it with him to, um, keep the soul ties strong (*snort*) but they can do what they like. *They're* the married ones. But Josh/Yooka has to happen with Drake there.
carleton97: Right!
carleton97: AND!
carleton97: Because, in ancient times, the back up spouse was also like a shield brother type of thing, Josh and Drake can do it whenever to maintain their tie.
exitsign: YES! Yes. Like, omg, yes, that's so exactly it. They have a tie and Yooka and Drake have a tie and *Drake* is what ties Yooka and Josh together. Until he kicks it which then it's, like, um, OH, because he and Josh had the tie yadda yadda that's how it all fits together. Oh, see, we're mad crazy.
carleton97: omgpornsquee
exitsign: yeeesss. hot teenage porn too!
exitsign: They're all fucking 16. I'm dying here.
carleton97: oh god.
carleton97: wronghotwrong
exitsign: sssssooooo wrong and hot.
exitsign: mmmm...
carleton97: man. how the hell does Yooka talk them into this?
exitsign: with her BOOBIES!
carleton97: I like to think she does it separately and when the boys see the other is there they're all, 'uh...'
exitsign: ahahah. omg. She totally does.
carleton97: She's very matter of fact, but man, there's a glint of CRAZY in her eyes.
exitsign: Of course. Because she's been waiting for her hot mansex her whole life.

carleton97: so, in my head, this is a long term thing, right? Like they're all *married*. (dont' argue, this is just in my head) But Josh is the back-up, you know? And sometimes, warranted or not, he kind of feels like the third wheel. No matter how much *ahem* reassurance he gets.
carleton97: I just had this vision of Josh *squirming* on the bed as Drake goes down on him for the first time.
exitsign: Oh, holy shit, yes. guh. Total squirmage. Totally. omg, yes. You know, there should be an entire universe for this. It's cracked out but who gives a fuck? It's hot as shit and it *says* AU.
exitsign: If you're gonna do something you should go all the way, I always say.
carleton97: exactly.
exitsign: I guess her name is Yooka Parker, huh? Yeah, if they're married.
carleton97: In the beginning, I think Yooka is always there during drake and Josh's sexual encounters. to sort of ease them into it.
exitsign: Yees. But she can't be there *all* the time. A girl's gotta shop.
carleton97: Yeeees.
exitsign: Her parents are billionaires.
carleton97: And Drake kind of doesn't want to try *that* with an audience, you know.
exitsign: Right. He knows Josh would never, you know, say anything about it. Because he's been really good about being quiet about everything that happens when the lights go out. But Yooka... if Drake gets it, you know, *wrong* and Yooka's there it would be a little worse.
exitsign: omg. this is just a giant porny cracked out universe in my head. so much sex.
carleton97: right.
exitsign: teenagers. my goodness.
exitsign: So Drake totally goes down on Josh. Yes. My question is, does Josh ever get to fuck Drake?
exitsign: Because *that* would be hot. Topping from the bottom, baby.
carleton97: hmmm...\
exitsign: nono. just nod and agree. don't think about it.
exitsign: mollymcshutdown
carleton97: I think... Yooka asks for it for her birthday.
exitsign: Ooh. Yay! I love you. That's PERFECT. Drake is *sooo* against it. Sooo against it. But then Yooka blows him but won't let him get off until he says yes. Damn Yooka.
exitsign: It all goes just like normal when it's the three of them. And then, whoa, yeah, those are fingers up his ass this time. (And let me just say, if I don't get rimming out of these kids, I'll die.)


carleton97: I have lovely AU visions of Yooka dragging her spouses to Europe to rule her village. Heh.
exitsign: dsjklj me too. At least a trip there wherein they meet her parents co-spouse and the dude is all arm over Josh's shoulder, beaming and Josh is all 'eep!' and then later 'he smelled like GOATS, Drake' and they're all awkward because it's so WEIRD that people know they've had sex with each other and the same girl and aren't, like, freaked out about it.
carleton97: YES!
carleton97: bwahahah
exitsign: They have lots of hotsex in Yudonia. I, for some reason, want *that* to be Yooka's birthday trip and *there* to be where Drake gets fuckered almost to death by Josh.
carleton97: oh. god.
carleton97: In like, some arabian nights type tent!
exitsign: Ha! Because, yes, her family is BILLIONAIRES but they still live in the traditional Yudonian camp setup. Like, Drake is all hopeful and 'indoor swimming pool squeeee!' and then, you know, no, goats everywhere and drafty tents and the indoor swimming pool is a hot spring covered tent with hairy naked Yudonian guys in it.
carleton97: aaaaaaaaahahahaha
exitsign: tent covered hot spring. I meant. er.
carleton97: I didn't even catch that.
exitsign: I find it fun to fuck with Drake's hopes and dreams and then get him fucked by his verymuchahappytobottom stepbrother.
exitsign: Like, okay, Drake likes to think *he* wears the pants in their weird ass relationship. But it's really Yooka calling the shots. And Josh is okay with doing what either of them say because he loves them both so much he can't stand it.
carleton97: yes. Totally.
exitsign: Yooka and Josh, I think, have the closer emotional relationship. Yooka and Drake almost *fight* for dominance.
carleton97: Oh, yes. yes.
exitsign: The thing about Yudonian relationships is that the men are the face. They protect the woman at all costs and are totally devoted to her and, through her, each other. But the woman is in control. She totally owns them both. It's just hard for Drake to cope with someone trying to be the boss of him. Especially when it's a girl because he grew up in America and, in America, it's all 'I am the king of my domain' and bullshit.
carleton97: but Yooka is totally the boss of him.
exitsign: Oh, yes, she is.
carleton97: I would think, too, that he'd have a hard time reconciling his relationship with Josh.
exitsign: He definitely does. It's easier in America after them *both* convincing her that she *cannot* talk about the co-spouse thing in front of people ever and no one *knows* about Josh. Like, it's just in the dark and Josh is quiet about it and only sometimes Drake catches him looking at him all weird and sad-like. And Drake can tell himself over and over that he only does it so he can be with Yooka. But, you know, in Yudonia that all gets turned upside down. Because the Yudonians *know* about him and Josh -- they know exactly what they've been doing -- and they don't *care*. They think it's fucking *great*. And then with Yooka giving him more of that devil wine and Josh's hands all over him and the realization that he wants it so much and has wanted it for a while even though he would never ever ever admit it is a bit of an eyeopener.
carleton97: awwww woobieJosh
exitsign: I think Josh feels it the most when Drake and Yooka can touch each other in public. Because he doesn't get to touch either of them. He doesn't even *exist* in public. That's kind of why he feels so useless and third wheel most of the time. Because no one even knows that he's part of it too. But then in Yudonia it's, like, everyone knows and they're okay and they think he's just as important and part of DrakeandYooka as he's always wanted to be. Like, for him, the trip is fantastic. He loves Yudonia. Even if it makes him sneeze.
carleton97: *dies* and Yooka gets it, but Drake just *doesn't* or won't or something.
exitsign: Yooka totally does. Yooka holds his hand whenever and kisses him in the daylight outside around people and it makes Drake sort of jealous. Because, you know, no, that's not right. But it is. Also, I think, the other dudes in town creep him out. Because they're not shy about sitting close together and touching each other and, oh, man, if he never sees to old dudes swapping spit again, it would be too soon. Like, maybe Yooka's parents co-spouse even pulls Josh to the side and all covertly asks if there's something wrong with Josh and Drake's relationship and do they not have a strong tie (ie, don't you get the shiny buttsex?) and Josh is all blushy and stammering and trying to explain and he just gets a head shake and 'no, no, that is not the way'.
carleton97: Killing me! I cuddle!
exitsign: It's fabulous and AU and so awesome.
carleton97: Yes.
carleton97: And like, I think Yooka just assumes that they're going to end up living in Yudonia after school etc. Because, well, she wants to.
exitsign: ahah. And what she wants is what will happen, clearly.
carleton97: And I think Josh is extra OK with that in most ways because, he has a *place* there.
exitsign: Yes. Yes, yes, totally. He isn't ignored there and it's *okay* to do what they do there. And maybe if they spent *enough time* there, Drake would feel the same way. Drake, of course, wants a big ass house in Hollywood where he can make music and be awesome and stuff and totally doesn't want to be in Yudonia at all. He wants to go *home* rightnowokaythanks.
carleton97: ahd they do have to go back to the states at first, but Josh and Yooka totally have time to wage a campaign against Drake.
exitsign: Because, like, Josh was all smiles in Yudonia and even if she didn't already want to spend their lives in her homeland, she would just because it kills her to see Josh so unhappy. And I think her and Drake get into a fight when they get back and Josh is... somewhere else and she totally calls him on it. And it's not like he *didn't know*, it was just that, in his head, that was the way it was going to have to be. But she's so angry and she makes him feel so bad. He's mad at Josh for, like, a whole twenty minutes for making him feel that way but then he just feels even worse. And, like, Josh doesn't even *know* what happened but when he gets back from wherever, that night it's like Drake has *never* been like that with him. Because Drake is just all over him and not rushing it and Josh is just blown away. Like it's great and he's amazed and he wants so much for it to be like that all the time -- has *always* hoped that Drake would be the same way with *him* as he is with Yooka -- but he feels, like, this huge ball of hurt in his stomach at the same time because he doesn't really believe it'll stay.
exitsign: oh, I wibble and wibble.
exitsign: This is the most fuckered up, fantastic thing EVER.
carleton97: Man, now I have this image of Drake and Josh after Drake's fight with Yooka and they're kissing and Drake had meshed his fingers with Josh's and their arms are stretched out over their heads...
exitsign: ohhhh my god.
exitsign: Yooka, maybe, is in her and Drake's room, asleep and pissed off at Drake. So it's just the two of them.
carleton97: And, just this once, Drake stays in his bed, and sleeps curled up aroudn him.
exitsign: waaaah! yes!
exitsign: Like, okay, okay, they don't live at home. They live *near* their parents but not with. Because Yooka's parents bought them a house. And, like, somehow for some reason that we're going to just DEAL WITH, Josh moves in with them. And that's A-Okay. Ignore, ignore. But(!) Josh has his own room. He doesn't *sleep* there most of the time. They all kind of crash in Drake and Yooka's room but, you know, he does sometimes. Drake gives him The Look and he begs off and says that he's, you know, tired or needs to do some reading or some shit. And he goes off into his room and so doesn't listen to them going at it all night. Only, you know, he so does. And that's okay. He can handle it. It's just that Drake never, you know, they don't really do a lot on their own. They know it's okay but mostly they all get hot and sweaty together and then him and Drake have quick (totally hot) fucks alone that week every month that Yooka is out of commision. He's all right with it, really, can't you tell? So it's just crazy as shit when Drake is waiting up for him and Yooka is nowhere to be seen and they go into Josh's room, all talking normal and then, holy crap, Drake's leaning in and kissing him and it's just... the entire time, Josh is just *bursting* with love.
carleton97: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
exitsign: Like, Drake is all there and it's just for him and he can't even *stand* it. He just dying. And, like, as much as Drake is *there* and *giving*, it just... kills Josh so much more. He can't even breathe the entire time. His chest *hurts*.
exitsign: He's got no idea what the hell is going on, man. But he's not asking questions.
exitsign: Because a) they don't *talk* about what they do since it kind of pisses Drake off and b) he wouldn't even have the words to try.
carleton97: aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh dyingdyingdying.
carleton97: all he can think forEVER is drake's mouth is so *soft*
exitsign: Yes. It's, he knows, exactly the same mouth that Drake has always had. But it's so different at the same time. He's not using his teeth or fucking Josh's mouth with his tongue or trying to hurry him up -- he's just kissing Josh and, even more than that, letting Josh kiss him. He let's Josh take control of the kiss. Which he has *never* done. Fuck. He even sounds different. Quieter and softer and less demanding.
carleton97: And Josh loves it. Loveslovesloves it. He feels...cherished. Not like he's there on sufferance because of Yooka's craziness.And, he's a big boy now, but it's really hard not to cry.
exitsign: Totally. Like, he has to hold that shit back because he just knows if anything would ruin it, him being all "pussified" would.
carleton97: so he can only kiss Drake and touch him like he's always wanted to.
exitsign: *wibble* Yes. Oh, yes. He's trying to remember every single *second* because he doesn't even know if this is ever going to happen to him again. He doesn't even know what's happened that it's happening now. But he just *needs* to remember all of it. Just in case.
exitsign: Okay, okay, what happens? What, oh, beyond the fingers meshed together over their heads and insanely hot slow kissing, happens.
carleton97: I think... Yes.
carleton97: Drake *asks* Josh what *he* wants.
exitsign: And Josh doesn't even know how to answer that. He wants everything. Anything. He just wants Drake.
carleton97: and, yeah, ok, I don't think Drake blows him very often. Like, he just doesn't. So when he starts to slide down Josh, he doesn't really believe it.
exitsign: Oh, no, Drake totally isn't big on going down on Josh. And, like, doing it like *this* is just killing him. Because Drake is so soft and, instead of keeping his hands from straying around too far, he keeps sliding his hands over Josh's thighs and between his legs and all over. And he's, like, trying so hard not to just *shake* all over.
exitsign: Every time Drake has ever deigned to go down on him, it's always been like in porno. Quick, hard, insanely hot, spit it out afterward.
exitsign: Which, you know, not that Josh is exactly *complaining*...
carleton97: Most of the time Drake finishes him with his hand even.
exitsign: Ooh. Yes, totally. So, like, when Josh is getting sosoclose, he's all pushing weakly at Drake's shoulders and 'stopstop' but Drake just... somehow without even realizing it, he's gotten so fucking *hard* just doing this to Josh and he just moans and goes a little faster and Josh is totally *unable* to deal.
exitsign: holy shit, that's so hot.
carleton97: yes.
exitsign: At *that point* I think they're about, eh, nearly 18ish. Like, Josh has been coping just fine for a *looong* time.
carleton97: right, and he didn't expect a change any time soon, if at all.
exitsign: Right. He's okay. He's used to it by now.
exitsign: But, man, does Drake fuck his shit up with this.
carleton97: completely.
carleton97: And it fucks him up even more that Drake is still there in the morning. Not just there in his bed, but *there*.
exitsign: Right. Like, the last thing he ever expected was that Drake would be okay with morning breath. He doesn't even do Yooka's morning breath. Like, Josh expected that even if Drake didn't bother to slink off in the middle of the night (or, you know, before 7 since they pretty much took all night long), that Drake would be all 'oh, man, i gotta piss, move over' and *gone* like always.
carleton97: but no, he kisses him. But, even more important, he fucking *hugs* him.
exitsign: Josh has an inner moment of flail at that.
carleton97: OK, so in my head, the house is staffed by Yudonians or whatever, but even so, Drake NEVER touches Josh outside the bedroom, right? But this morning, he's just...touching him. Not in a gropey way, just a hand on his shoulder and brushing their hands and, oh man, the way he *smiles*
exitsign: Right. Like, they were *always* really close before Yooka. They touched a lot. But after Yooka it seemed like... they *fucked all the time* but Drake was *further* away. Drake was hyperaware of how close they were all the time and made it his business to keep a respectable distance. Because he was *sure* people would *know*.
carleton97: totally.
exitsign: It's weird. Like, Josh is kind of freaked out. pod people!
carleton97: and it doesn't help that Yooka is still obviously pissed at Drake. He's got to think that this is some elaborate Drake scheme to do... something.
exitsign: To make her *jealous*.
carleton97: right! Yes.
exitsign: And it stings so bad when he thinks that. Because that's Drake. That is a completely Drakeish thought. And he feels so fucking stupid.
exitsign: He sees the way that Yooka glares at Drake and the way Drake looks all irritated at her and he remembers exactly the way he'd sounded when Drake had pushed into him. Like, after Drake goes down on him and then crawls back up the bed and Josh could taste his come on Drake's mouth and he couldn't even *believe it* and Drake had been sohard and he'd been so *pathetic* and needy and fucking *whispering* all 'drake. drake.' and Drake's fingers in him had made him gasp and moan and then Drake hadn't made been all 'on your knees' like he always did (which totally made Josh so hot even though he almost hated himself for it), he'd pushed his leg back and pushed into him soslow and Josh had gasped and said his name over and over and they'd kissed and Drake had moaned against his mouth and Josh had been so fucking sure he was dying. He remembers all that so fucking clearly the next morning, looking at the two of them not looking at each other, and he feels so fucking sick. Like, he *knows* that he shouldn't have let it all get to him but he couldn't help it, it had been so fucking perfect and exactly what he'd always wanted. And it *felt* like Drake wanted it too. But, the next morning, all he sees is that he's fucked up and let Drake get to him again, given *even more* of himself to Drake and gotten nothing back. And he can just hear Drake throwing it all back in his face.
carleton97: ouch fucking OUCH.
carleton97: what does he do then? Does he just stomp off?
exitsign: He clenches his teeth because if he didn't fucking cry last night he's not going to fucking cry now at the fucking breakfast table and begs off saying that he's got to get to school early for a project and then doesn't even go. He goes back to his parents house and sits in their bedroom and just lies on his old bed. Possibly sleeps for, you know, *hours*.
exitsign: Because he didn't get much sleep the night before.
carleton97: And Drake is just confused because he's known josh for YEARS and he knows the upset face and he *thought* he did something right.
exitsign: So he kind of needs some sleep. And being asleep means he doesn't have to *think* about it.
carleton97: And Yooka is pissed and is all, "what did you do to Josh?"
exitsign: And he's all 'I DON'T KNOW!' and she's all 'you're horrible' and fucking spits in his cocoa puffs (big spitters, her people) and stomps off and he just wants to fucking scream.
carleton97: ahhhh I don't know how to fix this!
exitsign: They have to talk. Obviously. It can be fixed. Drake just has to stop being so macho and tell Josh (and Yooka) how he feels about them. I mean, it's totally flufftastic and sugary sweet but they *need* to know.
exitsign: Drake isn't, you know, closed off completely from his emotions. But he's a guy.
carleton97: but I think it takes ac ouple of days of Josh slinking around in the shadows of the house and Yooka stomping around spitting in his laundry for him to just suck up and do it.
exitsign: He's got issues with getting the feelings from his brain to his *mouth*. He does okay with actions (he fucking thought, that's what that whole thing with Josh was and look how *that* turned out) but not so good with the talking. And, yeah, it takes a few days. Because, hey, they're pissed at him. He'll just wait until they get over it. It's their problem not his. Only, you know, it is his problem. Because Yooka kicked him out of the bed and Josh's fucking door was *locked*. Like, Josh has never locked the door *ever* -- Drake didn't even know there was a lock on Josh's door. But it's fucking locked so apparently yeah. And he thinks about knocking. But he's not going to fucking *beg* and he goes off to sleep in the guest room. Which smells weird and too clean and there's no one else breathing in his bed but him and it fucks him up to be *alone* again. He hasn't slept alone in almost two years.
carleton97: *sniff*
exitsign: And finally he's just, you know, so fucking *tired* -- of the situation and not able to get any fucking sleep. So he's just like 'you know what? screw you both. you think i'm an asshole and i don't know what the fuck is wrong with you. i try to make you happy and you both just throw it back in my face so whatever. i'm not even trying any more' and Yooka is all '*yells and yells in mixed Yudonian/English*'. And Josh still just looks lost and then when Yooka starts talking about him, he's all 'this is about ME? you... that night you were like that because of HER? I KNEW IT' And he just wants to stomp off and Yooka is all 'SEE WHAT YOU DID?' and Drake is all 'SEE WHAT YOU DID?' and it's all fucked up and then there's gotta be the whole stopping him and possibly some more shouting and then awwww so sweet i want to vomit on myself even thinking about it.
exitsign: And then they dun sex.






OK, so Yudonia is located on the shores of the Black Sea in the middle of what was once known as Thrace. It is west of the straights of Bosphorus in Turkey, near the border of Bulgaria.

History of Thrace (this is all true):
The area was populated by an agriculturally based indigenous peoples called the Thracians. They were tribe-based and considered an Indo-European population.

The first Greek colonies were established in Thrace during the 6th Century BCE, but the Thracians managed to retain their independent language and culture despite the Hellenistic influence. There was a 50 year span during which the southern parts of Thrace were ruled by Persia, but in the 4th Century BCE, Alexander the Great conquered the entire region and it was controlled by Macedon for 150 years before acknowledging Roman authority as a client state after the Third Macedonian war in 168 BCE.

In 279 BCE, the Celts advanced into Macedonia and were a presence in Thrace for over 30 years. Thrace remained a Roman client state until 46AD when they were brought under direct Roman rule. However, it is important to note that the Thracians were not Romanized, but were considered to be Hellenized.

Following the fall of Rome in 476, Thrace was brought under the of the Byzantine Empire and remained there until the ninth century AD, when it was incorporated into Bulgaria. For a period of approximately 400 years, through a series of wars, control of Thrace is traded between Bulgaria and the Byzantine Empire.

In 1352, the Ottoman Turks make their first incursion into the region and subdue it within 20 years. Thrace remains as a part of the Ottoman Empire until 1878 when most of it was incorporated into the semi-autonomous Ottoman province of Eastern Rumelia, which united with Bulgaria in 1886. The rest of Thrace was divided between Bulgaria, Greece and Turkey at the beginning of the 20th C. following the Balkan wars and WWI.

History of the Roma (also all true):

The Roma are believed to have descended from a northern Indian warrior caste, though there is some evidence pointing towards Sinhalese roots (Sri Lanka). They are believed to have left India around 1000 AD, passing through Afghanistan, Persia, Armenia, and Turkey on their way to Europe. The reason for their leaving India is one of history's greatest mysteries, but it is, as yet, unsolved.

The first Roma groups are recorded in Eastern Europe in the 1300's, in Wallechia and Serbia but, because they are believed to be Muslims, they are enslaved, beginning a 500 year history of enslavement and serfdom for most Roma in Europe.

Within the Roma, it is generally acknowledged that there are 4 main divisions: the Kalderash, the Gitanos, the Manush, and the Romnichal. The Kalderash are concentrated in the Balkans & central Europe and, in direct opposition to popular myths about the nomadic nature of the Roma, they settled in the Balkans and are accomplished smiths.

Throughout Europe and the Americas, there has always been a prejudice against the various groups of Roma which persist to this day. Indeed, the Roma were one of the groups most actively pursued by Hitler's Third Reich and it is estimated that somewhere between 200,000 and 800,000 Roma were killed during the Porajmos.

History of Yudonia (all made up!):

Yudonia is a very small, easily defensible country. It is located on the narrow, coastal plain surrounding the Black Sea and is surrounded to the north and west by mountains and to the east by the Black sea, leaving the only approach from the south.

As Greece colonized Thrace in the 6th century BCE, a small group of artisans and warriors, unwilling to conform to the strict societal separations present in ancient Thracian and Grecian society, broke away and established their own colony.

Yudonia quickly became known for the quality of its metalsmithing (the area is rich in copper) and managed to hold on to its land throughout the Macedonian, Celtic, Roman, Bulgarian, and Byzantine occupations. Yudonia also managed to avoid the incursion of Chritianity and remained a polytheistic society, though its gods expanded beyond the pagan and Greek gods to include deities from many of the cultures that surrounded it.

Sometime in the late 1200s, the Roma passed through on their way to Europe and a small band of Kalderash decided to settle in Yudonia; they were welcomed and their culture slowly mingled with the existing one.

In the mid 1300's, the Ottoman Turks were rapidly approaching and the Yudonians once again prepared to defend their borders.

Their ruler - a sort of warrior king - Andreas, was engaged to Roma girl Kishori (in a final move to band both cultures together), but he feared for her fate should he fail to repel the Turks. After consulting the gods and the various tribal elders, it was decided that his best friend, Todor the swordmaker, would also be married with them as a protection for Kishori. After ensuring Kishori was good and pregnant, Andreas left to gather his army. Andreas and his troops managed to keep Yudonia free of the Ottoman Turks, but it was an awkward situation when he returned from battle to find Kishori and Todor happily married. Though he dearly loved both his wife and best friend, Andreas was jealous and unsure of his place when he returned. He did not want to have either or both of them killed as some of his generals suggested and his restraint was rewarded when Todor and Kishori foiled an assassination attempt by Kishori's cousin. Now assured of the love of both Kishori and Todor, and convinced the arrangment was beneficial to all involved, Andreas decreed that all future marriages in Yudonia would involve three parties.





exitsign: I think the only thing that's different from when we were plotting is that the marriage is for all three of the people. When we plotted I think, to keep it closer to canon, it was just Drake and Yooka who married and Josh was, like, there to marry her if something happened to Drake (goat stampede!). Like, they were all in a relationship but Josh wasn't, like, *really*. And that was one of the things that made it harder for him to be happy because, like, he just felt like a third wheel. Which was pretty much all Drake's fault and Josh sees that when they go to Yudonia.

I think that, with some tweaking, you could make that work with your history. Or we could toss that and work with this. I mean, we're doing a big fat underage polyamorous relationship here -- it's not like we need to worry about canon or, you know, *sense*. heh. I'm there for whatever you want to do.

carleton97:There is a CLAUSE!

Yes!

Um, ok. So the original marriage is set up like the third spouse is the extra, all third wheel style for-Kishori's-protection only, and that is how the other marriages in that first generation are also set up, but over the years Andreas/Todor/Kishori grow past that into a true polyamorous relationship, right? And they pass into legend like that. Every so often another grouping finds themselves in the same situation and the co-spouse is brought totally into the relationship.

Eventually this becomes known as a Todorian marriage and there is another ceremony to mark the change.

exitsign:Okay, so, like... omg. Okay. guh. All right. So what's with the sexing? Is that how all the relationships go? There's always hot 3way sex on the wedding night? And, no, wait, what about Not-Dad? Him and Josh being all bonding and shit? How's that work? Were her parents just another of the special cases or something? But still with the hot sexing. Explain it to me, oh mighty one

carleton97:OK, so in the 'conventional' marriage, the only time there *has* to be hot 3way sexing is the wedding night to, you know, bind everyone together. Everything after that is up to the trio (within certain guidelines we should establish - like the wife and co-husband not doing things without the main husband around...). So some groups don't really have a 3way sexual relationship, some have just an emotional one, some have *just* a sexual one...

I think Yooka's parents have a conventional marriage, but with lots of sexing. And the Not-Dad is desperately in love with one or both of his partners. Like, for his whole life, he's been sure they're like *one day* from doing the Todorian ceremony, but it's never happened. And not because the others don't care about him or because they're Drake-style clueless, but for them, there's just not that spark that is telling them to make it something more.

Because I think for the Yudonians, the Todorian marriage is fucking *sacred*. Like you can't just decide you want to do the ceremony, there's like all this *stuff* you have to do first to prove you're worthy of carrying the title. Does that make sense?

exitsign: Yeah, totally makes sense. I'm right there with you. But, looking at this, does make me think that we're ignoring things we shouldn't be ignoring. Like, okay, if they're all being bound together, why doesn't Josh have sex with Yooka as well? Like, when I originally came up with the idea, I wasn't really thinking about anything beyond 'hot porn omg guh'. But, really, I know that it *must* make sense in some way, but I'm kind of questioning how its... fairness? If that makes sense.

Also, with the stipulation that the wife and the co-husband can't be making the hot sex without the main husband but the main husband can fuck anybody he wants whenever he wants, it's really sort of shitty sounding. It would seem that the main husband could completely control his wife and co-husband's sex lives. Of course, it makes complete and total sense in the legend story, because then Todor and Kishori never banged while Andreas was off fighting for his country. It just doesn't make as much sense in the 21st century. It seems like dickish, nasty people could totally take advantage of the situation and that there would have been issues out the ass over the years. You know what I'm saying?

Another thing is that we're not really working on any sort of characterization for Yooka. We're basically just writing a slash series with tits in it every now and then. And that seems kind of unfair. I think we need to work on fleshing out Yooka's voice and also trying to find her a story to tell. Because Drake's got the first story and Josh has Yudonia and both Drake and Josh have halves of the 'Drake tries to make stuff better between him and Josh' story (Josh with the sexing and then Drake with the after when nobody is really talking to each other).

I am totally loving what you're saying though, you're kicking my ass. I'm just bringing up these points as they come to me.

My chest aches for poor Not-Dad. He is totally in love with both of Yooka's goofy parents. And they're kind of in love with each other. They *love* him but they're not *in love* with him. They're happy with the way things are and, it's not that he's *not* happy, it's just that he thinks there's *more* there. He feels more than they do. Which, you know, when you think about it, he *would*. He doesn't really have anything beyond them. They're sappy about each other and they've got a daughter together and he's got none of that. Like, he *does*, but it's just *different*. I think most other couples don't have these sorts of problems because they're all kind of equally enamored or the one that's sort of "left out" doesn't really mind. Not-Dad does mind though. He's totally a romantic in my head. Like, I see him as being this big burly guy in his early 50s who looks fucking *terrifying* but is just a big old teddy bear when you get to know him. I see him being Yooka's absolute favorite person in the world.

uh. Sorry. Rambled. Anyway, the chat is, I think, just a starting point. Ideas evolve -- especially when it's more than one person having them. Because, like, no matter what, we're never going to share a brain and what is one way for me could be totally different in your head. After that, it's all about compromise and trying to find something that works for both of us. I really love all the ideas you're coming up with and I want to keep working on them together. The chat isn't rules so much as *guidelines*. heh.

carleton97: Like, okay, if they're all being bound together, why doesn't Josh have sex with Yooka as well? ...

Also, with the stipulation that the wife and the co-husband can't be making the hot sex without the main husband but the main husband can fuck anybody he wants whenever he wants ...

Yes, these are exactly the things we need to work out.

Obviously, the way the marriage works has evolved over time and it's a little different for each trio.

Like, I think the sexual restrictions between the co-spouse and the wife were a lot stricter when things like property inheritance etc were dependent on first born males etc but those have eased in the past few generations.

Actually that brings up a good question. Children. What if wife and co-spouse have a child?

I'm thinking that all the children are raised as siblings. Like, even if there's not the Great. Big. Love between all three parents, there are kids from both husbands, usually.

Like, to me, at the very *least* all the parents are fond of each other, so making some babies is all good.

I think we need to work on fleshing out Yooka's voice and also trying to find her a story to tell.

Yes. Very much yes. Like, I think she for sure just doesn't understand what the *deal* with them is because it is very obvious to her that there is much love there.

OMG.

OK, so like there are two things about Yooka. a) Like you said, her Not-Dad is her most favorite person in the WORLD. Like, she loves her parents and all, but Not-Dad ... yeah. And she *sees* how it is for him and it KILLS her and it's killing her to see the same sort of thing beginning for Josh, right?

and b) all she's ever wanted is a Todorian marriage. Like all little Yudonians dream about it, but most grow out of it when they realize how *important* it is and how rare it is and how *hard* it is to maintain, but Yooka *wants* it. With everything she is.

And she really believes she could have it with Drake and Josh, so it makes her CRAZY(ier) to see them fighting against just giving in.

My chest aches for poor Not-Dad.

Oh, Not-Dad (we need names and titles for the marriage spots)! I think that Yooka's mom just wasn't able to have any more kids after her. Like, they all tried and tried, but I think she just kept miscarrying, so they had to stop; it was just too hard.

I think most other couples don't have these sorts of problems because they're all kind of equally enamored or the one that's sort of "left out" doesn't really mind.

Yes. Yes. Most trios are pretty equally lovey with each other.

exitsign:

Like, I think the sexual restrictions between the co-spouse and the wife were a lot stricter when things like property inheritance etc were dependent on first born males etc but those have eased in the past few generations.

Were they a nomadic type of people with lots of traveling between areas during the year or were they more of a 'people who just like to live in tents' people? Because I got the impression that they moved aroudn a lot in the past (I don't think they do so much now but that could just be me) and, from that, I get the impression that land isn't something that really comes up. There seems like there would be no land to really own since everybody's always moving around. Also, with no *centralized* government and just, like, er, tribal government (or whatever), there's really no sort of... there's no *laws* really beyond the ones that the people give themselves. You know, like, through the ages these are what you do and these are what you don't do. Or something. But then, of course, that directly screws with the whack canon because Yooka shows them a marriage certificate. hmm. Of course, that could just be an American certificate. But, no, wait, they're all underage, they'd need parents if they were getting married through the American gov.
exitsign: Okay, okay, so, okay, what about there are cities in Yudonia. So there is a central government. But, like, either most people don't live there or most people *do* but just not Yooka's family.
exitsign: Something like that.
carleton97: It depends on what you want.
carleton97: There could be either, really
exitsign: um. I don't really know. I just want it to make sense in my head. heh.
exitsign: What's your feelings on it? Or do you not have any? heh.
carleton97: What I'm thinking is this:
carleton97: the main body of people they're descended from (and I'm picking the thracians) were surrounded either by Greek & Roman or totalitarian rule for most of their existence. So I'm thinking that, by choice they kept to some sort of tribal council type thing.
carleton97: It's vaguely centralized - enough to work as a government - but still allows for tent style living. I'm not thinking that the people who settled in Yudonia were nomadic personally, but they came from nomadic people.
carleton97: Like the Roma part - the roma were nomads, yes, but in real life the Kalderash settled in Romania quickly and stayed.
carleton97: So, like, Yudonia has the *trappings* of nomadic people, but they're not.
exitsign: Fabulous. That makes perfect sense. Exactly what I was looking for.
exitsign: Okay, so, yes, the *actual* thing you were talking about there, I do think that it was stricter in the past because of *whatever* reasons but things have totally evolved. As they do.
carleton97: Yes. Not necessarily for land reasons, but yeah
exitsign: Actually that brings up a good question. Children. What if wife and co-spouse have a child?

I'm thinking that all the children are raised as siblings. Like, even if there's not the Great. Big. Love between all three parents, there are kids from both husbands, usually.

I don't think that beyond looks there anyway to really know. And considering that the mother is the same and the children really are siblings (just half) that it would be totally right for all the children to be treated equally but all the parents. Like, I think that the only real thing would be that *maybe* the main husband's children could have been treated differently because they're the *main* ones. But since there's never been a way to know before, you know, *now*... that hasn't ever really happened.
carleton97: yes.
carleton97: exactly
exitsign: Yes. Very much yes. Like, I think she for sure just doesn't understand what the *deal* with them is because it is very obvious to her that there is much love there.

Yes, because girls are smarter than boys. heh.

OK, so like there are two things about Yooka. a) Like you said, her Not-Dad is her most favorite person in the WORLD. Like, she loves her parents and all, but Not-Dad ... yeah. And she *sees* how it is for him and it KILLS her and it's killing her to see the same sort of thing beginning for Josh, right?

OMG. Yes, totally totally totally. I think it's really hard for her to see him not being happy. But at the same time... we've never really gotten to the love issue. Because Yooka barely knows either of them (she's knows Josh through e-mail but, you know, that's all) and it was, like, 'yay now I can stay in America!' sort of thing. So how does she really feel about them? Like, Drake's a big dick most of the time. And he's very much a player. He makes out with strange girls and stuff and he's really lazy and irresponsible so... there's really not much for Yooka to love. hmm.
exitsign: And then with Josh he seems more like he's a friend for her. So it's hard to work out. I think, like, it's sort of a gradual thing. Like, she becomes just really comfortable with Josh because he's wonderful and there and all that. And then, omg, even Drake turns out to have good qualities and can, at times, be very endearing. So it's sort of a gradual thing. And I think that this is all 'a year later' or something that we're talking about. Which could make sense. It does to me anyway.
exitsign: Ahem. Your thoughts?
carleton97: Oh, yes, yes. I wasn't thinking it was right after the current story. More like when they're in Yudonia
exitsign: Oh, yeah, me too. I was just... it was sketchy about when that was going to be. Like, how long from the first story and whatnot.

and b) all she's ever wanted is a Todorian marriage. Like all little Yudonians dream about it, but most grow out of it when they realize how *important* it is and how rare it is and how *hard* it is to maintain, but Yooka *wants* it. With everything she is.

I totally agree with that. Because the most important person to her... that's the most important thing to him. Or, you know, not exactly but you know what I mean. He's been with her a lot and she really admires him so it's sort of rubbed of on her and kind of... yeah. Which, weirdly, I've kind of thought that the reason (or *a* reason) that it matters so much to Not-Dad is that *his parents* had a Todorian marriage. Like, maybe even, like, the first one in a century or two for his tribe or whatever. So it that was what he came from and that was what he saw -- his parents being the *ideal*, just being a fucking *unit* in every way, and shit like that.
carleton97: eeeee! Yes yes yes!
exitsign: Sweeeeeet! yay!
carleton97: oh! And thinking about Drake and marriage etc, I think Yooka psychologically SCARS him talking about the consequences of infidelity.
exitsign: ahahahaaaha. He's so easily scarred too. Oh, Drake.
carleton97: Like, the trip to Yudonia is totally a turning point in their relationship.
exitsign: Oh, without a doubt. Because up to that point? Drake and Josh have had no direct contact with any other, you know, situations like theirs. Like, Not-Dad? He does not fly. He is anti-flight. He refuses to do it, he gets airsick. So the entire time Yooka has been in America, her parents have been over and back and over and back but she's only talked to Not-Dad through e-mail and on the phone. Like, that's just how it seems to work in my head. So Drake and Josh have *nothing* to look at and say 'okay, we're doing this wrong' and this is just a huge wakeup call for them. Or, you know, Josh. Because Drake is in denial. About everything except Yooka's fabulous tits. And I think for Yooka it's like she goes home and it's all there and it's not that she's forgotten but she's been so immersed in American culture and stuff that it's call kind of a slap to the back of the head. Especially when she notices (which is pretty quickly) that Josh is, like, in *love* with everything about Yudonia and he's all 'woeful puppy eyes' because *his relationship* isn't like any of these at all.
carleton97: I think Drake needs to fall in love with Yudonian music.
exitsign: Oh, dude, I was fucking thinking that today. omg. Yes, he totally does. It's not, you know, rock music, but he loves the feel or it and, like, he totally wants to integrate it into his own music somehow. He wants to be able to get that sort of beat out into the general public because it's *sweet*.
exitsign: Okay, so, hmm:

Oh, Not-Dad (we need names and titles for the marriage spots)! I think that Yooka's mom just wasn't able to have any more kids after her. Like, they all tried and tried, but I think she just kept miscarrying, so they had to stop; it was just too hard.

I was thinking that... okay, like, instead of kids *after her*, what about kids *before her*? Like, I sort of placed them as being in their early fifties. But, see, Yooka is only, like, 16. So that's a bit of an age difference there. Especially if they got married at, like, early 20s. So what I was thinking is that they went through all the miscarriages for years and years and it was heartbreaking each time and they finally decide, you know, no, no more, we can't take it. And then there she is. Little miracle baby who shows up just when she damn well pleases. heh.
exitsign: That sort of plays into how her father became a billionaire before he was 30 for me too. Like, his way of coping was to throw himself into... whatever work it was that he did. That I'm totally leaving up to you because I have no ideas at all.
carleton97: yes, yes.
carleton97: hmmmm
carleton97: I think he's the most exclusive jewelry designer in the world.
carleton97: like, he's a ARTIST.
exitsign: Oh, hot. Which is mucho hilarious because the big thing is that Drake needs to get a career. He needs to support Yooka. But Drake is all 'I have my music' and they're all 'BOSCHA, you get real job'. But, see, I think he's an artist in his heart. Like, he feels like one when he makes something gorgeous. But he doesn't act like that's what he is. He doesn't talk about how beautiful things are or whatever. He's all business up front. And, really, I think that's not so much a lie. Because while what he does is total artistry, you can't become this super famous designer if you don't know how to be a businessman. And I also think that that is only part of what he does. Like, okay, that's what got his foot in the big money door but what really brought the money in was contributors and investments and shit. Like, he's got his fingers in a lot of pies or whatever. Yeah. That's kind of what I'm getting. You?
carleton97: yes. yeah, totally.
exitsign: whee!
carleton97: what about Mom and Not-dad?
exitsign: I think Mom does stuff with/for Dad but she doesn't have an official job. She's kind of traditional in that sense. Because she never had a reason not to be, Dad took care of the money stuff, you know? And he's kind of mr controllypants about that shit. And I think Not-Dad does something entirely different and totally Yudonian. Like, he's got his job and he does his job and no one could ever say he didn't because he's mucho dedicated but he isn't the big money bringer.
exitsign: Like, if both him and Dad had the same sort of job, they'd have just as much money as everyone else in Yudonia. Or you know what I mean, they'd be average. But because Dad chose this other thing, they've got loads or money. It's just sort of a thing.
carleton97: right, yes.
exitsign: As for the names thing, I could probably come up with some name ideas, I looked up some before my nap and, like, I absolutely love the name Kosta for a guy for example. But, like, I think that if there's going to be any sort of... Yudonian names and things for the marriage/roles that I don't really have a clue. heh. Like, it's just... out there. I think that if you just sort of tried to throw some noises from that *region* together you'd probably be all right. Because, like, omg, the marriage ceremony was in Yudonian and it was a total JOKE. So the language in "canon", as far as I'm concerned, can just totally be ignored.
carleton97: excellent.
exitsign: I'm no language geek. um. Oh, yeah, of course if you decide on names or have ideas, you should totally throw it out, I want us to both like them. Yis.
carleton97: ok let me get my favorite site ever up.
exitsign: And that was sort of all of the last comment. So... anything else we need to address? I mean, there's a metric ton but... yeah. heh.
carleton97: http://www.behindthename.com/
exitsign: Oh, how lovely.
exitsign: Where do you want to look?
exitsign: Like, um, what area of the world are we pulling from?
carleton97: esperanto....
exitsign: K.
carleton97: I was kidding!
exitsign: Oh, thank God, I had no idea what was going on there. I thought I'd missed something vital. But I was just going along because, like, I don't know for shit.
exitsign: You ought not tease me. You know I pretty much just go along with you.
carleton97: sorry.
carleton97: OK.
carleton97: shripati means 'husband' in Indian (though it doesn't say which dialect) so, I'm thinking that since Kishori was Roma/Indian that's the term her people gave to Todor.
carleton97: which has been shortened to shripa over the years
exitsign: That... is totally cool. I just got goosebumps a little.
exitsign: Every little detail brings it more and more alive. eee.
carleton97: cause, I'm thinking her people would be the least comfortable with the situation at the beginning, but they eventually get onboard.
exitsign: *nods* Yeah, I could see that. I don't really think they have much of a choice, really. Not unless they want to, like, fight about it. Which, you know, who wants that? Especially when *everything* is so peaceful.
carleton97: Not-Dad?
carleton97: DRAGOMIR m Serbian, Croatian, Romanian, Bulgarian
Means "precious and peaceful" from the Slavic element dorogo meaning "precious" combined with mir "peace".
exitsign: It has a good meaning, I was looking at that one. I just want something to jump out at me though. But apparently that's not going to happen. So, sure, that'll work.
carleton97: it can be a placeholder for now.
exitsign: *nods* Totally.
exitsign: I really kind of like the name Petia.
carleton97: ooh, me too.
carleton97: I was looking at Vasil
exitsign: That would be a kick name for Dad. Because Basil means king and he's, you know, mr controlissuespants. Like, I don't mean it in a *bad way*. I just think he gets a little wrapped up in what he wants (especially when he was younger) and he has to take a breath and remember that there's other people around. I think he maybe feels guilty about it sometimes. Or possibly that's just my own idea. heh. Either way, I think the name.
carleton97: excellent.
exitsign: Sweet. We have names. Hurrah.
carleton97: oh! and I was thinking for Dragomir, maybe he's a weaver.
carleton97: They need a lot of silk, you know
exitsign: Ah, omg, yeah, that totally works. That is most awesome. Yes.
carleton97: Yes. He's weaver. An artist in his own way...
exitsign: awwwwwww. We loves.
carleton97: oh I just had the girliest thougth EVER
carleton97: he's totally woven a bolt of cloth for Yooka to use should she ever need it for the Todorian ceremony
exitsign: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
exitsign: My voice got caught in my throat. I'm sorry.
carleton97: Like, Vasil and Petia don't know about it.
carleton97: Just him.
exitsign: Of course not. They wouldn't *understand*. They'd say that he shouldn't fill her heads with thoughts like that. The chances are just... they're far too slim and it's unfair to her. And that would suck all on its own because it's like a punch in the gut.

They. Don't. Feel. It.

It's a punch in the gut each time. So he keeps his little secret and he's all right with that. Like, maybe he's old enough now it's not so much something he expects for himself anymore. But he can hope for it for her. awwwwwww. omg. I wish he was my Not-Dad. It's so *funny* because in my head he's just this giant, very 'grr argh' looking dude. But he is FILLED with marshmallow on the inside. It's hilarious. I love it. I want a hug!
carleton97: oh my god, I love him.
carleton97: he's totally marshmallow filled. Like, Drake is terrified of him.
exitsign: He's so great. omg. And Drake is TOTALLY scared of him. Like, on sight he's just 'holy. shit.' and then once he realizes that the dude is a teddy bear with all the HUGE BONE-CRUSHING HUGS and shit he's even more scared of him. Like, he just gets sweaty when he's around. Because, like, okay, Yooka's parents scare him. Because, you know, he's boning their daughter. But then, this guy? He's like... Drake just *knows* that if this guy ever even got a whiff that Drake wasn't the absolute best husband ever in the history of the WORLD, Drake would be getting a broken spine. Like, hello, snap, break your back like toothpick.
exitsign: Drake fears.
carleton97: *rolls in it* YES
carleton97: And he TRIES to, like, warn Josh...
exitsign: And, see, at first Josh is just as scared. Because the dude is very intimidating looking. But, after a few days, it totally clicks and there's this whole kinship and when Drake is all 'omg, omg, he's going to kill us, gah' Josh is all '...what are you *talking* about, you lunatic?'
carleton97: Oh, oh. And Dragomir *sees* Josh, you know? Sees exactly where he is and just aches for him.
exitsign: Yes. OMG, totally. Like, he understands this boy completely. And he goes out of his way to try and make him feel like he's *not alone*. But without really just flat out *saying* it. And I think it takes, like, sitting over dinner or something Yooka says for it to really sink in that, oh, okay, they're petty much in the same exact place. In a situation where they're all supposed to be equals, because of *two different reasons*, they're both, like, the leftover ones. Like, not *completely* but there is this invisible wall there for both of them. Which is kind of unique.
carleton97: Yes. You are god.
exitsign: Like, for Dragomir it's that Petia and Vasil are and always have been more in love with each other than with him. He knows that he's valued and that they would be just... *dead* without him. But he thinks it's more that they're *used to him* by now than it is anything else. Like, there's a connection and there's love but it's just not the same at all. And then for Josh it's the Drake is totally keeping him at arm's length. Drake is totally not even attempting to make any sort of connection with him beyond a sexual one. He's not even doing that good of a job being there emotionally for Yooka either but he at least *tries* with her. As much as he realizes that he needs to. Because that's how it works, you know? Guys have chicks and chicks want all kinds of attention and crap and you have to give it to them blah blah blah. But there's no rule book for how you deal with your Josh. heh. So it's the same but different. Yes. I am god.
carleton97: this is so fucked up. I love it.
exitsign: I just love all the angsty bits. All the unhappiness makes me just squeal with glee.
carleton97: heh
exitsign: But then everything, at least for our heroes, gets resolved in the end.
carleton97: yes.
exitsign: One day she'll get to use that bolt of cloth. *sniffles, wipes eyes* I'm okay. I'm okay.
carleton97: poor Dragomir.
exitsign: Totally. It's the sadness.
carleton97: Oh man.
carleton97: In my head, after aeverything has been worked out, just one random day, Drake just one day asks about it. Like why didnt yooka's parents do the thing.
carleton97: like, he sort of doesn't get it.
exitsign: Awwwww. OMG. And Yooka is all sad-faced and deep sigh. *hugs self*
exitsign: Drake, you're so fucking stupid.
carleton97: but Josh explains it to him.
carleton97: Like how rare it is.
carleton97: And Drake is all ...
exitsign: ahaha. Because he totally would be.
exitsign: Like it would just take a minute and then he'd be all 'wait, so... we're... *oh*'. But, like, even then he probably wouldn't really *get it*. He doesn't really operate on that level.
carleton97: right. Like he doesn't SEE that, you know, Dragomir WANTS it.
exitsign: Because he's a dumbass. It's obvious.
carleton97: yes.




carleton97: she is my kind of girl. fingerfucking her husband and all.carleton97
exitsign: aljkaskl;sasl;kas;lk husbandS.
carleton97: right. but that first time it's just the one.
exitsign: yes. oh, god, but i just thought about her getting drake and him being all "hands! hands! haannnghs"
carleton97: oooh.
exitsign: so so delicious.
exitsign: i think maybe... maybe it should be one of the times when it's just the two of them. because she's a smart girl and she knows that drake would freak even WORSE if josh was there.
exitsign: drake's trying so hard to stay straight.
carleton97: at some point, I would one of the boys to say/think "what the hell kind of health classes does Yudonia have?"
carleton97: Yes, exactly. and it's while she's blowing him.
exitsign: he passes the gay test for ages, man. no mouth on cock for drake parker, no sir.
carleton97: yep.
exitsign: askljsklj dude, yooka has the internet! she don't need no health classes.
carleton97: alskjdhf
exitsign: god, see, she gives great head. and drake is all "yeaaah." and then he's all "NO NO NO WITH THE TOUCHING NO." but she does it anyway. and by the end of it, he's like this wiggling, writhing, sweat-soaked puddle of yes.
carleton97: and she steps it up by doing it *again* when Josh is blowing him.
exitsign: nngh. and josh is like "!!!!!!" and drake is like "*FUCKING BLUSHES*" and he wants to be all mr straight guy and say no but it felt so goooood and he caaaaaaan't.
exitsign: so he just breathes out and looks at the ceiling and tries to ignore the burning in his cheeks and lets her. and then, you know, he doesn't look at anything as his eyes have rolled back in his head because yooka can focus all her attention instead of multi-tasking and josh is so turned on he's giving, like, the blowjob of his LIFE.




Yooka knows most Yudonians would consider her to be a perfect combination of her mother and father; she's ambitious, driven, and knows exactly what she wants out of life.

Sometimes, she wishes she was more like her Papa.

Papa surrounds himself with apprentices. People say it's because he doesn't have any children of his own, but Yooka remembers the first time she realized there was a reason Papa always had a dormitory of boys and girls he kept apprenticed until well after the age of majority. Svetla had nearly scalded herself with a vat of boiling water and Papa shouted and waved his arms, but stopped abruptly when he realized Svetla had pushed herself into the corner and he spent the rest of the day teaching her how to dye with cochineal.

When Svetla married Vasilev and Hartour, Papa stood as her witness.

Once a month, Papa and his apprentices clean and reorganize the workshop, making sure nothing was fading in the sun that slanted in through the high windows and that there were no moth infestations. When Yooka was old enough, Papa let her help. She would sit on a tall stool, carefully uncoiling new skeins of yarn and retwisting the loose skeins Papa wasn't using anymore.

Papa's workshop has always been Yooka's favorite place in the world. She loves the hanks of brightly colored wool and silk that hang from his walls. She loves the neatly stacked bolts of cloth that seem to go on for miles all around the shop. She even loves the acrid smell of dye that hangs in the air every Thursday. She remembers how the swish of his spinning wheel and the thump of his loom lulled her to sleep when Mama's office was too hectic and Daddy's smithy was too hot for a child.

Yooka spent most of her childhood with her Papa.




"Josh? Are you home?" Drake set his guitar case against the wall and stretched towards the ceiling, trying to get the blood flowing after what seemed like one hundred years of traveling.

Strong arms wrapped around his chest and he let himself relax back into Josh, bringing his arms down to mesh their fingers together. Josh peppered kisses over his shoulder and over the side of his neck, not bothering to lift his lips when he spoke. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." Drake turned in Josh's arms until he could slide a kiss over his mouth. "Did I miss something important? A birthday or something?"

Josh linked his hands in the small of Drake's back and leaned against the wall, obviously thinking. "I don't think so. My birthday is in November, Yooka's is in April and so is our anniversary. Why?"

"Yooka's acting all crazy again." Exhaustion plowed through Drake, reminding him he'd crossed ten time zones since yesterday, and he slumped against Josh, letting him carry his weight.

"What do you mean she's acting all crazy?" Josh pushed Drake away from him and shook him a bit. It was never a good sign when their wife acted crazy enough for Drake to notice.

"Knock it off!" Drake shrugged off his hold and ran his fingers through his hair. "She's downstairs and after she said hello, she holds up this ... craft project and I said it was very nice, but apparently that wasn't the right answer because she spit at my feet and started swearing at me in Yudonian."

Josh sometimes had a hard time believing that Drake could have lived in Yudonia for so many years and not realized the significance of *every* act of craftsmanship. He pinched the bridge of his nose and tried not to notice how cute Drake *still* was when he blinked all tired like that. "What sort of craft project was it?"

"I don't know! She was knitting something, I think." He yawned, not really paying attention to Josh's latest freakout until his silence began to drag. "What?"

Josh opened and closed his mouth several times, obviously trying to talk, but couldn't seem to manage to say anything. Drake was pretty sure he was starting to hyperventilate.

"Josh? What's wrong?" Drake tried to pound him on the back, but fell back against the wall when Josh collapsed against him, mumbling something. "What? Are you calling me 'baby'? You know I hate that."

"No, you idiot." Finally, Josh seemed to pull himself together enough to support some of his own weight. "What is one thing our wife is not?"

"Sane?"

"No! Crafty! She is not crafty!" He lowered his voice with a visible effort. "What is the one craft all Yudonian women insist on doing themselves?"

"Uh..."

"God! How long have we lived here?" Josh resisted the urge to shake him again. "Their maternity shawl. Yooka is pregnant, Drake."

There was a long moment of silence as Drake very obviously processed that. "Holy crap."

"I know. We're going to have a baby." Josh could feel the first, faint bubbles of joy stirring his blood.

"No." A wide smile formed suddenly, "Well, yes. God. But no. Yooka. Pregnant."

"Oh." Josh thought for a moment. "If you go back out on tour and leave me alone with her, there is no place in the world you'll be able to hide."

"Crap."