Fic Graveyard Post #13 Hocus Pocus

[carleton97]

So, exitsign loves the movie Hocus Pocus a whole lot and is fascinated by poor cat-i-fied Thackery Binx and his best friend Elijah. We spent a good lot of time talking about how they would sneak around touching each other in naughty places then feeling horrible, Puritan guilt about all of it.

Then Binx's sister is kidnapped by the witches and he's turned into a cat and Elijah is left all by himself to live in a cabin in the woods until he dies alone and miserable. Elijah spends the next few hundred years in heaven watching the world change and Binx wander around as a kitty cat, just waiting for the witches to be defeated so they can have a heavenly reunion.

I feel like there's more hidden in LJ comments, but since I think we did this in 2005-6, I can't quite recall. If I find it, I'll update this post with the additional info.

This was mostly exitsign's baby, but she said it was okay to post it with the rest of the stuff.



exitsign: I am writing Elijah/Binx fic. It's not strictly porn as it has a story. I have no idea what's going on but I am in love with it.
carleton97: BEST. NEWS. EVAAAAAAAAAAR.
exitsign: YES! I KNOW! I'm writing you the happy heaven ending to combat the OMG FUCKING ANGST that it has somehow become.
carleton97: eeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeee.
exitsign: YES! YES! YES! There's, like, I have no idea, I have created backstory and midstory and it's very strange.
exitsign: I will need your extra help with my thees and thys and ists and shit. Because OMGHERD.
exitsign: I was doing it and I'm, like, shit, I have no idea.
carleton97: just keep going, that's something easy to fix in beta.
exitsign: I don't care if I screw some of it up because I only know the words I know. But I'd like to get it as close to a re-son-ibble fake as I can. I'm not doing that shit in the text, just in the talky talky.
carleton97: exactly.
exitsign: wanna read some? TOO BAD YOU ARE ANYWAY. This is years after, he's in his mid-late 30s.

He washes in the stream -- naked because even if he were to be caught by one of the villagers, he is already considered queer, has been for more years than he can count, a hermit who speaks only to himself and the trees, there is no worse. He scrubs at his knotted hair, dipping under the water to rinse, his fingers pulling at the tangles as the poor soap he made himself stings the rawred slice on his thumb where his knife slipped a week's past. Coming clean of the sweat and the stink of it, his mind drifting (drifting, drifting, as it does always does) to Thackery.

They are thirteen, perhaps. Avoiding chores, for certain. The late summer heat making their heads light and their hearts reckless. His hair is dark with water, the droplets seeming to shine like diamonds as he shakes his head, sputtering and laughing from Elijah's dunking, splashing and pushing at Elijah, his hands slipping against overwarm flesh, even then (always) making Elijah's heart beatbeatsnapstop in his chest. His face is flushed and his mouth is wet, his chest richly tanned from too many hours spent just like this, undressed to the waist, hiding from the heat in the stream. Hiding from everyone. So perfect and young and alive, they are.

He gasps deeply when he comes up for air, shuddering and shaking and already half-hard from just the memory. He tries to find his feet, to breathe normally, to resist where he knows only failure waits. He twists his face up, grinding his teeth and feeling the hollow echo of it all the way to his bones, and squeezes his eyes closed, gripping his cock roughly under the water.

exitsign: It's not great but I'm really tired. I don't think it's bad though. *cry face*
carleton97: *wibble*
carleton97: Dude, that ROCKS.
exitsign: Yeah?
exitsign: SQUEE.
carleton97: omg, YES.
carleton97: Poor Elijah!
exitsign: YAYE!!! Yes, I know. There is so very much darkness but the happy ending! Just think of the happy ending!
carleton97: yis!
exitsign: I'm holding out for that shit, dude, because this breaks my heart. You know I hate death. And even though Thackery is not dead (AT ALL FOR 300 YEARS), Elijah does not know that.
carleton97: Right. Oh, Elijah! Thinking when he dies they'll finally meet again, but NO!
exitsign: NOT FOR 300 YEARS, SUCKA.
exitsign: *stabs self over and over*
exitsign: The way I'm killing him is terrible. Honestly. I'm gonna cry when I write it.
carleton97: waaaaaaaa!
exitsign: THINK OF THE ENDING, THINK OF THE ENDING, THINK OF THE ENDING.
carleton97: Is Elijah all teenaged and shit in heaven? Because otherwise? Creepy.
exitsign: duh.
exitsign: Of COURSE. He is who he was when he was happiest.
carleton97: eee!
exitsign: Which, considering the angst he felt as a boy, you'd be all "bwuh?" but, dude, his life is BLACK from 16 on.
carleton97: *sniff*
exitsign: He loses the one thing he loved and he blames himself.
carleton97: oh, little dude!
exitsign: HE should have been faster getting help, HE should never have let Binx go, HE should have gone with him.
exitsign: Blame, blame, blame. On top of the weird 17th century homoselfhatred.
exitsign: Awwwwww!
exitsign: I shall have to comfort myself with Thackery.
exitsign: You want more of what I have?
carleton97: duh!
exitsign: I know, right? Like, I don't even know why I'm asking.
exitsign: This is the beginning as of now:


"Doest thou trust me?" Thackery asks, the firelight gleaming off his father's knife and his eyes.

Elijah's mouth is bone dry and his legs hurt from croaching so very long, watching nervously as Thackery held the blade over the flames until the backs of his fingers had turned red from the heat. He does not know why they must do this but Thackery says that they must so he does not argue. He swallows instead, eyeing the shining edge as he nods slowly, his stomach sinking to his toes as Thackery smiles and shifts up onto his knees, moving over in front of him.

"Brothers now, Elijah." "Thy blood beats in my veins as mine doest in yours."

"Quiet!"

"Oh, we are done for, Thackery Binx." "We are done for."

"No." Thackery hisses at him, grabbing his chin roughly, smearing blood across his jaw and forcing him to look into his shadow-covered eyes. "Not yet."

"Your father's knife!"

"Leave it!"

exitsign: *CRIES* I HATE MYSELF.

Thackery bewitched, confused and lost in the deepest dark of the woods. Thackery hurt, fallen and broken, in need of help. Thackery dead, reeking with decay, his face twisted in eternal pain, his unseeing eyes staring to the moonless sky.

He carries the latern high, illuminating each step before him and himself as well in the hopes that Thackery, even if cursed to forget his home and his name, will remember, by some chance, Elijah's face. Elijah thinks... Somewhere in the secret, lustful, animal part of Thackery's memory, there must be a soft place where Elijah's hands and mouth and soul are forever kept. He feels Thackery inside him, like blood, the forbidden images he has only ever allowed free reign in the blackest of night hum in the back of his mind always, in equal parts tempting and torturing him. And then there is this gaping wound in his chest, like a tooth fallen loose, only the tooth is his very heart and it was not fallen so much as torn forcibly from him, every moment that he does not know what has become of Thackery seeming to rip him open anew.

He thinks that Thackery must have his missing pieces. Thackery must have them and Elijah must find them and him or there will be nothing but these raw edges left forever.

exitsign: Also? really, none of this shit is spellchecked or proofread. I'm, like, retarded.
carleton97: Dude. DO NOT WORRY. KEEP WRITING.
carleton97: or I will have to KEEEEL JUUUU
exitsign: You just want the happy ending. *poke*

He shifts against the bed, sliding his heels against the mattress and letting his knees drift apart, he takes a shaky breath as his fingers slide down his stomach to coarse curls and hard flesh. His eyes are closed already, images playing across his mind -- smiling and laughing, light hair shining gold in the sunlight, pale skin and the curve of spine, blue eyes, blue eyes, blue eyes. He curls his toes, pulling his calves tight, as he toys with his foreskin, tugging lightly, stretching it, and then sliding it back just the barest bit to slide is calloused thumb over the naked head, teasing at the slit with the edge of his nail. He shivers and grips himself then, heat rushing to his face at his own sad impatience for release. He licks wetly at his bottom lip, his eyes rolling back behind his eyelids, his mouth falls open and a soft sound escapes before he even realises it. Rough hands on his chest, pushing playfully and then leaning in harder, significantly, warm breath against his mouth, he feels his breath catch in his throat and he tries not to look but he has never been strong enough, so blue, his own reflection and something else that he knows because he feels it but has never seen, and the palm slides flat against his chest--

"Elijah? Ist thou awake?" His sister's voice whispers through the black, it startles him and jerks his hand up above the linens even though she can't have seen it in the darkness of the room. His mind is a blur, he does not know how long she had listened, he cannot breathe, his shame is like a thing twisting in his chest, closing off his throat.

Humilation flushes his cheeks further, impossibly further, and he clears his throat before rolling onto his side, facing away from her, and mumbling back. "Only thinking, nothing of importance. Go back to sleep."

"Doest thou wish to speak of the thoughts that keep thou from sleep at such an unholy hour?"

He squeezes his hands into fists at his sides, above the linens. He furrows his eyebrows and bites back the drywetsick feeling sliding up from deep inside him, filling his mouth and eyes until he cannot breathe and his eyes are stinging to blink. "Nay."

She shifts, settling herself back for sleep, and, through a yawn, says, "Have peace and sleep, then."

carleton97: oh, baby!
exitsign: ?
carleton97: elijah!
exitsign: It's very sad. He was just trying to get off so he could sleep. He was just sort of restless and couldn't get settled.
carleton97: I LOVE this story.
exitsign: What story?
carleton97: your story, tard.
exitsign: My story? Seriously? It's so sad though. :-(
carleton97: just because I don't wallow in teh angst doesn't mean I don't like it when it's *good*
exitsign: heh. Awwww!
exitsign: This should change your mind. This is the last bit I have sorta written, it is also the most gut-wrenching for extremely morbid and fucked up reasons:

On the thirtieth day from Thackery's disappearance, he drowns the witches' familiar in the wicked water that runs about their house. His fingers bitten bloody and his wrists scratched raw, he feels no joy in doing it, only the same horrible sadness that has permeated every waking moment since the hanging. The beast's horrible, mewling screams and his own shouted sobs echoing through the empty wood only make him wonder distantly if that is how Thackery had cried when those devil's whores murdered him.

He sleeps the night in the woods, no blanket and his shirt stripped off and ripped to bandage his hands. He never returns home. He cannot face what he has done -- not the beastly cat, he could not care for the cat if it had begged mercy with a voice as sweet as angel's breath. It is Thackery he cannot face, the ghost of him everywhere, the constant knowledge that he is responsible for what became of him. If he had only been faster, if he had only gone with him, if he had only not let him go.

If he had only.

exitsign: Binx doesn't know he can talk at first. Not that it would have done him any good, they're so crazy about demons and shit back then. It's the first time he dies. :-( It gets easier after that, he gets to the point where he's all, "*shakes head* I hate when that happens." But not the first time.
exitsign: I HATE MYSELF.
carleton97: no, seriously dude. crying.
carleton97: I <3 you
exitsign: DON'T CRY! IT'S OKAY! IT'S JUST A STORY! HAPPY ENDING, HAPPY ENDING.
carleton97: no, that's the BEST. When you cry in the middle!
exitsign: I still have this hate for me. SO SAD.
exitsign: I see it from both of their POVs.
exitsign: The way they talk with the thous and thys and shit -- what is that called? Dialect?
carleton97: not dialect so much as an archaic form of english.
exitsign: Okay. I was just trying to figure out what to call it so I could "warn" for it in my ridiculous warnings. You know how I like to do that.
exitsign: Like with Colin's story it says "SHOES"
carleton97: hee
exitsign: It just makes me happy.
exitsign: 1693, that's the time of the musket, yes?
carleton97: I do not know.
exitsign: hmm.
carleton97: that's what the internnets are for.
exitsign: This is true.
carleton97: http://www.history.org/foundation/journal/Autumn00/gunsmith.cf m
exitsign: I'm pretty sure that it was, then.
exitsign: Yay musket!
exitsign: I need it for, like, two parts. One pre and then the death scene. He doesn't get shot or anything! He actually... I'm not going to tell you actually. That would just be mean.
carleton97: yeah. no spoiling.
exitsign: Unless you want to know to prepare yourself or something.
carleton97: nope./
exitsign: You're a good girl.
carleton97: yay

exitsign: Max and Dani and their parents have JUST moved from LA and he's all LA guy and this is all Salem and... yes.
exitsign: But I don't think they're going for historical accuracy or anything and, seriously, I'm not researching. I'm not putting any fucking *toasters* in the shit but I'm just going with my gut and all the period romance novels I read in my misspent youth.
carleton97: well, with hocus fucking pocus that's all you can ask
exitsign: Werd.

exitsign: I'm worried about this buttsmex.
carleton97: are they butsmexing?
exitsign: Oh, yes.
exitsign: They most certainly are.
carleton97: meep!
carleton97: crying!
exitsign: DON'T CRY, BABY!
carleton97: so sad!
exitsign: Nooo, they have more buttsmex in heaven. It's all good.
carleton97: hee
exitsign: I sort of gave him a last name. o.O
exitsign: HE NEEDED A LAST NAME, DAMN IT.
carleton97: he did.
exitsign: I decided on Hale. I had looked up surnames for that date and I liked that one and then I looked in up in the dictionary. Free from infirmity or illness; sound.
carleton97: yes.
exitsign: OH, FUCKING SOB.
exitsign: Okay. I'm okay.
carleton97: oh!
exitsign: I just killed him.
exitsign: *cries*
carleton97: SAD
exitsign: SO SAD.
exitsign: I just needed to get it over with.
carleton97: ok.
carleton97: what's the title of the story again?
exitsign: I have no title.

exitsign: BALLS. THIS STORY IS BALLS.
exitsign: Yay fun!
carleton97: If by balls you mean 'the best story in all eternity.'
exitsign: skjl;k That was not exactly what I meant but okay.
exitsign: gaargh. Should they even do the buttsmex? Does it even work? They're 16 and it's, like, the 17th century.
carleton97: have you ever know 16 year old boys to *not* have any sex available to them
carleton97: but
carleton97: I do think maybe not on the buttsmex until heaven.
exitsign: Well, the heaven thing is just a reunion sort of thing. I wasn't really going to get into it.
carleton97: epilogue
exitsign: It's like: pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, okay, finally, you can be happy.
exitsign: SLJLKJ
exitsign: And epilogue entirely devoted to them having buttsmex?
carleton97: yes?
exitsign: You are nuts.
exitsign: Okay!
exitsign: The thing that's interesting about them is that they have nothing beyond "this feels good" to go on as far as sex. They have no internet and there's no television. Neither of them are book guys and, dude, even if they were, it's not like there'd be graphic gay porn or anything. Ha. There's no sex ed and there's no talking about sex.
carleton97: True. True.
carleton97: I sometimes forget.
exitsign: I'm, like, I'm trying to write this and the part of my brain that is operated by "EVERYTHING MUST BE CANON, EVERYTHING MUST BE CORRECT" is going "...waitaminute."
carleton97: boy I'm glad the Xfiles killed that part of my brain straight off.
exitsign: ahahahah.
exitsign: I'm not really listening to it but it is giving me phase on certain things.
exitsign: Like, okay, I was thinking "DUDE. BLOWJOB." and then I was like "...wait, how do they know about blowjobs? I know they HAD blowjobs back then but how do they figure it out?"
carleton97: I think it just happens?
exitsign: Yes. No, wait, what do you mean?
carleton97: Like the transitive property.
exitsign: OH, YEAH, BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
carleton97: Hands feel nice on skin. Mouths feel better. Hands feel nice "down there" thus...
exitsign: Ohhh. Okay. That makes sense.
exitsign: God, I don't quite know how I'm working this out. Elijah is utterly smitten with him and Binx is rather smitten back so that's that part but Elijah is, like, freaky with the denial and shame. And Binx is too but... not really. As much. Or something. I don't know. It's like Binx is the one who puts himself out there by initiating everything and Elijah is, like... every time he even thinks about Binx he's just... he is, like, higher on the list of "things I cannot live without" than air. BUT I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE THAT WORK WITH THE WHOLE DENIAL, NO, NO, THIS IS BAD THING.
exitsign: *headdesk*
exitsign: Like, I just need to FIND the reasoning that he uses.
carleton97: the reasoning for doing it or for feeling guilty?
exitsign: I know why he feels guilty, it's the whole stupid religion thing. But I don't know why he goes through with it anyway. Like, I *do* because he fucking *loves* Binx but... yeah.
carleton97: Maybe it's not a decision he makes so much as a thing he *can't* not do.
carleton97: Like he sometimes thinks about how he shouldn't want it, shouldn't do it, but he *has to*
exitsign: hmm. Yes. Yes, okay. I can see that.
carleton97: which would make the guilt even more because it's like he has no self control, which was a big thing for the colonists
carleton97: /puritans.
exitsign: Okay, I just got a squee.
exitsign: ahem.
exitsign: Dude. wtf.
carleton97: huh?
exitsign: I mean that, for some weird reason, the last thing you just said made me squee really stupidly. Which I'm taking to mean it works.
exitsign: Like, for Elijah.
exitsign: They placed this fucking movie a YEAR AFTER the witch trials. wtf.
carleton97: your canon brain cannot fight that shit.
exitsign: I'm mostly just appalled right now.
exitsign: It's, like, in my head, these people... they've just killed these 19 innocents.
carleton97: yes
exitsign: Go away, knowledge, go away.
exitsign: So... would these people being judged and killed and all, would this make a 15-year-old boy push further away from what he wants but "should not have" or would this make it like one of those "scary shit is happening, i just want to hide out in the woods and have lots and lots of sex with you" things?
carleton97: I think it's both. Because there is this part of him that irrevocably belongs to the church, but there's another part that is just Binx's.
exitsign: OH, HEART.
exitsign: I think Binx is, like, I have this image of him as being a really good, honest boy who does what he's told and blah blah blah church blah blah obey god blah blah but at the same time? He's reckless. He ran into the forest with no shoes on to save his sister from witches and he's only been awake, like, five minutes. He's reckless and I think he's more capable of just doing what he wants to do and being content that that's what he wants to do. Like, he has the same sort of internal debates and shit going on but it's not anything NEAR what Elijah is trying to deal with because he can just turn it off and go about his business. Like, Elijah can't turn it off, really. Not for long. He tears himself up constantly.
exitsign: Is this too much drama?
exitsign: :-(
carleton97: No, no! That's exactly it.
exitsign: Oh, yay!
exitsign: Also, I can't remember if I told you: I gave Elijah's sister a sex change.
carleton97: no...
exitsign: He's a brother now. Still older. His name is Samuel.
carleton97: ah.
exitsign: Yes. Binx has Emily and Max has Dani and it just seemed like too many fucking sisters.
exitsign: So brother instead.
carleton97: works for me.
exitsign: I mean, I think it still works. I don't think it really changes anything. Does it?
carleton97: no.
exitsign: Okay.
carleton97: Unless you were going to do some big thing about the differing brother/sister relationships.
exitsign: Not really.
exitsign: I hadn't thought about it anyway.
carleton97: then yeah, it's all good.
carleton97: god, I wish I oculd find a better version of this setting of this song.
exitsign: I could still do a differing sibling thing if I wanted to though. Because Binx and Emily are like thiscloseomg and Samuel is sort of distant with Elijah and he's very serious by nature. He's not a lot of fun. Like, there's not a lot of fun to be had in Salem but Binx is, like, joy personified sometimes.
exitsign: GOD THERE IS NO JOY IN THIS STORY AT ALL.
exitsign: Did they ever smile back then?
exitsign: I think smiling was developed in the late 1800s.
carleton97: it was a severe and dour religion.
exitsign: I HATE RELIGION. It stole these fake boys big, gay joy from them.
carleton97: af;lkjdfkds but true
exitsign: THEY'RE GAY. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE *OTHER* MEANING OF GAY? LIGHTHEARTED EXCITEMENT, CHEERFULNESS, BRIGHT, LIVELY. WORK WITH ME HERE, PURITANS, THIS WAS THE ONLY MEANING BACK IN THE DAY.


exitsign: Point two, the witchcraft trials did not appropriately define their methods of living for the 100+ years that they formed successful communities. What it did show was the danger that their self-imposed isolation had put them in.
carleton97: in other words, being in teh woods with just god made them alll crazy
exitsign: all KINDS of crazy.
exitsign: Actions spoke louder than words, so actions had to be constantly controlled.

exitsign: OKAY SO... is it totally unrealistic of me to think that, as time goes on, Elijah basically totally distances himself from what he knew as a child/teenager? Like, okay, that's what I had. Before. But now... this puritan shit is fucking me up.
exitsign: I JUST WANTED TO WRITE PORN.
exitsign: THAT'S ALL.
carleton97: I don't think it's unrealistic at all.
exitsign: GOD, WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? WHY CAN'T I JUST WRITE POINTLESS PORN LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE?
carleton97: Especially if, as he grows older, he begins to come to terms with his love for Binx as something that is *not* evil.
exitsign: OH, FUCKING SOB. God, I want him to come to terms with that so very badly. It's the fucking purest, most beautiful part of him.
carleton97: And even if he doesn't totally come to terms with it, just questioning the church would distance him.
exitsign: Yes. Like a LOT.

exitsign: arrr. I bet the puritans weren't much for dancing either.
exitsign: Balls.
exitsign: I had a whole section marked off for Elijah's brother's wedding and there was dancing that happened offscreen cause all that we got was the part where they were all overheated and sweaty and kissing as they fumbled to get hands on skin in the dark.
exitsign: *shakes fist at puritans*
carleton97: Hm.
carleton97: A barn raising would do that too
exitsign: A... barn raising would make them do that?
carleton97: be hot and sweaty
exitsign: Oh. Okay. Well, yeah, but I kind of wanted that happy that goes along with dancing. There is no dancing in puritan town though. Fucking puritans.
exitsign: I should have just stuck with the max/binx ghost sex. saljl;ksal;k
exitsign: I can do Max.
carleton97: *pets*
exitsign: This is so ridiculous. I don't even have a fucking story now. I just cut out all this shit that doesn't vibe with the puritan thing. I've just got random "sexy" pieces now, then the post-hanging zomgcrushed stuff, and the dying part.
exitsign: I should have looked this shit up before I started writing and then I could have just avoided writing it all together.
exitsign: RE-PRES-SION. That's all I have to say. You can push it down, out of thought, but that doesn't mean it's not still there, dumbasses.
carleton97: Though, do the puritans really not dance?
carleton97: Because dancing in praise of God is all over the bible.
exitsign: I have no idea dude.
exitsign: I was just thinking that dancing is fun and since they're a no fun zone...
exitsign: Perhaps they did. I have no idea. I just have this image of completely stone-faced people and grey skies.
carleton97: Though much has been written of the influence of the Puritans, dancing in the colonies was never forbidden except perhaps on the Sabbath, though some theologians were notorious for their opposition to any expression of pleasure, no matter how innocent. The fiery sermons of zealots like Cotton Mather, and the terror of the infamous Salem witch trials and other persecutions have perhaps crowded the equally authentic images of village folk dancing and making music from our perception of early American life.
carleton97: So dancing = yes!
carleton97: Much spontaneous dancing and merriment took place in homes and taverns, in parlors and out of doors, and on any festive occasion. Many of the settlers' dances were from the well loved book The English Dancing Master by John Playford (1651). These group dances were similar to our modern square and contra dances and were simple to perform. There were in the Boston area a number of "dancing masters" who gave a more professional level of instruction. From the formal gavotte, minuet and bourròe to the circle and squares for eight, dancing was always popular among all classes of people in the colonies. Just as the basic dances were imported from the old world, so were the lively tunes to which they danced.
carleton97: because, OK. The Puritans originally left England because they felt it was morally lax. But that was in the 1630's. Their society had at least three generations to evolve before 1690
exitsign: Right, yes.
carleton97: I mean, I'm sure there was no May day craziness and greenwood marriages, but I think dancing at a wedding would work.
exitsign: ahahahah. Yeah, that would be a no go.
exitsign: This is all so complicated, I think.

exitsign: GOD, I love this story so much. Just, like, the backbone of it, the love and denial and repression and loss and pain and eventual peace they both find. But, dude, the details.
exitsign: argh, why couldn't they have at least stuck to history a little bit in the movie?
exitsign: That'd've been great.
carleton97: because they were making a movie about *actual* witches?
carleton97: So I think that in and of itself would make pure historical accuracy a bit dicey.
exitsign: sakljklsal;kl;kdsa
exitsign: stfu, dude.
exitsign: You know what I mean.
exitsign: See, the thing about making it historic-ish is that, either I get into the witch trials, or I ignore them.
carleton97: do they mention them in the movie beyond the hanging of the witches?
exitsign: Not a word. That's why, even though I knew they were *around then*, I was appalled that they placed the start of the movie just a little over the year *after*.
exitsign: June-Sept 1692, Oct 31 1693.
carleton97: Then ignore them.
exitsign: It's horrid though, isn't it? Or is it just me that thinks it is?
carleton97: no, it's horrid.
carleton97: unless they were going for a 'how quickly they forget' sort of thing.
exitsign: But... no. Because it was all a *sham*. Those little bitches lied. This movie is saying-by-not-saying that these innocent people died because of a PRANK and the whole time there were REAL witches who bewitched, killed, and tortured in Salem. Like, that's disturbing to me. But then... REAL WITCHES and MOVIE and NOT REAL so I should just stfu and try to ignore history.
exitsign: THIS IS VERY HARD FOR ME.
carleton97: I know it's making your canonical self weep
exitsign: It really is.
exitsign: Okay, so I just... I have to just pretend that the WITH TRIALS OF SALEM never happened?
carleton97: Yes.
exitsign: ...
exitsign: OH MY GOD
carleton97: I know, baby.
exitsign: IT HURTSSSSSS USSSSS
exitsign: This is so fucked up.
carleton97: holywood.
exitsign: sakljklj okay, I can do this, I can do this, I'm strong.
exitsign: I control my brain, my brain does not control me. Except... no, shut up, my brain does not control me.
carleton97: yes.
exitsign: CAN I AT LEAST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THIS IN THE AUTHOR'S NOTES?
carleton97: yes.
carleton97: you can mock the screenwriters.
exitsign: OH, MY PAIN IS SO SO VERY LARGE RIGHT NOW.
exitsign: THOU HAST NO IDEA.
exitsign: *vomits*
carleton97: I think... I think maybe the movie people were sort of replacing the actual trials with what happens in the movie?
exitsign: So it's like the entire movie is a giant AU?
carleton97: yes.
exitsign: WELL, OBVIOUSLY JANE, THERE ARE WITCHES THAT FLY ON BROOMS AND CAST FUCKING SPELLS.
exitsign: *stabs*
exitsign: wtf. lame, jane, very lame.
carleton97: Hey, there's this new thing I heard about!
carleton97: It's this crazy invention called fiction!
carleton97: kidding, don't hurt me.
exitsign: HEATHEN! HERETIC! HARLOT OF LUCIFER!
exitsign: No, I know.
exitsign: I'm so crazy.
exitsign: You should kill me.

exitsign: I think another reason I feel Binx is not quite the perfect Puritan boy is because I have that stereotype in my head of them being humorless and Binx this rather dry, sarcastic wit going on.
carleton97: and that's totally valid.
carleton97: I mean, pretty much no one could live up to the expectation of perfect puritan
exitsign: Totally. It's, like, people, you are begging for failure. But then, they didn't believe that you had a choice as to whether you went on to heaven or not, they believed that it was already decided for you, you either would or wouldn't and nothing good or bad you did would change it. They still tried to be good though. It kind of makes you wonder why.
carleton97: crazy?
exitsign: Well, it makes *me* wonder why. If I believed in that, I don't think I would see much point in trying to do shit but whatever I wanted.
exitsign: But then with my religion (ahahah, I so don't have one), all you have to do is say that Jesus died for your sins and you're in.
carleton97: except for the public whipping that would follow
exitsign: Right and that.
exitsign: *wince*
exitsign: I honestly would just like to COMPLETELY PRETEND that Salem wasn't all crazy with the Puritans and shit, dude.
exitsign: They, like, totally fuck me up.
exitsign: You know another reason he needs to have had sex? The mocking way in which he says "virgin". TWICE.
carleton97: ooh!
exitsign: See, the thing about the movie is that Max lit this candle -- the black flame candle -- that brought the sisters back from the dead. It can only be lit by a virgin. So, right after the first big escape thing, Binx is all "some airhead virgin" and Max is all "*wants to die*" and then, at the very end, ghost!Emily is all "what took thee so long?" and he's all "i'm sorry, Emily, I had to wait 300 years for a *virgin* to light a candle!"
carleton97: hahahaha
exitsign: He's clearly very learned in the carnal arts.
exitsign: BAD PURITAN, BINX! BAD!
carleton97: Yes. I think Binx is a terrible puritan.
exitsign: ahahahahaahahahahahhhhhhhahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
exitsign: I am laughing so hard.
exitsign: It just adds so much to the story when you think about it.
carleton97: totally.
exitsign: Binx is a terrible puritan and Elijah tries SO HARD to be good. BINX IS A BAD, BAD INFLUENCE.
carleton97: but he's still a good boy, all trying to save his sister.
exitsign: Binx is all "come and have the hot sex with me" and Elijah is all "*bites lip, punches self in thigh* I HAVE TO GO READ THE BIBLE NOW."
exitsign: He's a good boy though.
exitsign: If it wasn't for that pesky lust.
carleton97: lust will get in the way.
exitsign: Just a lot.
carleton97: heh.
exitsign: But, really, who could resist Binx?
exitsign: Terrible puritan Binx.
exitsign: Ah, Binx, you destroy Elijah's life.
carleton97: though, really, what the hell sortof surname is binx?
exitsign: I KNOW! It's so dumb. But it sounds like something you name a cat.
exitsign: But, really, what sort of *name* is THACKERY?
exitsign: That is AWFUL.
exitsign: I wonder how he learned to talk. You know, as a cat.
exitsign: I guess with 300 years to blow you sort of just try anything.
exitsign: "hmm. i wonder if I can talk. I mean, I'm a cat and all but..."

exitsign: If you say "oh, god!" would that be considered... bad, right? Like, that doesn't sound like something you're supposed to say if you're all religious or whatever, I don't think. Maybe I've just got it wrong though.
carleton97: No, you're right on that. There was much less casual flinging about of the lord's name.
exitsign: HAH! Binx totally says that to Elijah. "Oh, god, the woods!" It's not really casual but still. Why would he even say that if he weren't supposed to? Like, why would it even come up? It wouldn't be in his vocabulary. I don't say shit like... "mon dieu!"
carleton97: because of the crappy screenwriters.
exitsign: NO! NO, THEY'RE WONDERFUL!
exitsign: Puritans, what?
carleton97: Here's the impression I"m getting. the HP puritans are, in some ways, Puritans-Lite.
exitsign: YES! These kids are like "THEY'RE GUIDELINES!"
carleton97: Look at it that way.
carleton97: It's SUGGESTED USE.
exitsign: EXACTLY! God is a groovy guy, man, here, have some rum and turn up that Grateful Dead record!
carleton97: so think about it that way. It should make things flow a little smoother.
exitsign: It totally does. GAY SEX IN THE WOODS YAY.
carleton97: I RULE
exitsign: This is all still bad, of course. Very, very bad. Like, that part stays. But so does the dancing thing and there's not so much with the evil, no-laughter stuff.
exitsign: YOU SO RULE. I WORSHIP YOU.
carleton97: heeeeee!
exitsign: Ah, my life is rocking right now.
carleton97: I'm dancing in my chair.
carleton97: Yay!
exitsign: I gotta work in the word "fornication" somehow. Wait... does it count if you're touching weiners together or is it just heteros who get to be fornicators? OH, I'M SAD NOW. :-(
exitsign: Oh, well, they still get to be guilty of deviant, lustful acts! YAY!
carleton97: FORNICATION:

The word, fornication, was not used in its historical place in the 1996 Primer i.e. 1843 Primer, but was used in the 1777_2 edition and other editions and was listed under "Words of five Syllables."! It is evident from this position in the elementary/primary part of the text that this word was studied, learned, spelled and used in writing and in speech in its correct context!
carleton97: Today's parents should take courage and take the time to teach their children these words since it is easily shown that prior Puritan generations and our Founding Father's generations taught them to their children. These concepts represent that part of a parents petition to God to maintain His "hedge _A. of protection" around the heart, mind and soul of his children.
.
fornication: 4202 porneia { por-ni’-ah} from 4203;
AV _E. - fornication 26; 26 [TDNT _D. - 6:579,918; n f GK _E. - 4518 { porneiva }]
1) illicit sexual intercourse 1a) adultery, fornication, homosexuality, lesbianism, intercourse with animals etc. 1b) sexual intercourse with close relatives; Lev. 18: 1c) sexual intercourse with a divorced man or woman; Mk. 10:11,12
2) metaphorically, the worship of idols 2a) of the defilement of idolatry, as incurred by eating the sacrifices offered to idols. _B.
Harlot and whore are feminine. Fornicator and whoremonger are masculine.

exitsign: *WEEPZ* OH, HUZZAH!
exitsign: Okay, who would have, uh, done the sermon at a church service? Or whatever. Because there SO HAS TO BE A SERMON ABOUT THIS. Elijah needs the extra torment. Muahahaha.
exitsign: I LOVE HURTING THEM SO MUCH.
exitsign: No, shut up, Puritan, I already killed your ass, you can't hurt me back anymore.
exitsign: I'm torn on deciding which of them needs to go down first. Clearly Thackery is the one who comes up with the idea but I think, being a boy, he totally tries to Elijah into doing it first, I just can't decide if Elijah actually does it or if he's far too horrified by the very idea.
carleton97: hm.
exitsign: It's very "hm".
carleton97: Like what? They're kissing and petting and they've discovered licking and Thackery has a brainstorm and pushes at his head?
exitsign: No, no, it's not like THAT. That makes it sound bad.
exitsign: I'll just have to work it out and you'll have to see.
carleton97: no no I didn't mean it in a bad way.
carleton97: like he's all , "hey, try this!"