I *heart* amandazillah

[carleton97]

So she and I have been chatting lately and coming up with some funny stuff. Tonight won, though. By a landslide.



carleton97: Also? I want in this world there to be fic where one of the wives/gf's is pregnant thus demanding EVERYONE stop smoking. Hilarity (and perhaps handicrafts) ensue.
amandazillah: yes!
amandazillah: fisticuffs and/or handicrafts!
carleton97: or, probably, both.
amandazillah: Gerard already draws, he has something to do with his hands
amandazillah: but maybe he takes up crochet too
carleton97: Bob would be all *raises gimpy wrists pitifully* I CAN'T CRAFT, BITCHES.
amandazillah: Frank finds this book I found in the library yesterday, all about VEGAN KNITTING (how to knit non-wool items)
amandazillah: and he's all about it.
amandazillah: knitting soy yarn
carleton97: Yep!
carleton97: And hemp and cotton and ingeo.
carleton97: linen and ... I'm missing a big one. BAMBOO!
amandazillah: YES
carleton97: he's all, "TOFU YARN, GUYS!"
amandazillah: And Bob think he's finally snapped.
carleton97: While he's twitching in the corner, FEELING his temper fraying because Gerard is drawing sometimes and sometimes doing ...something with a hook thing that ends up in a yarn knot. And Ray, the fucker, is just playing video games. Does Mikey smoke?
amandazillah: I think he quit
carleton97: so he's just sitting there texting Alicia like always.
carleton97: Bob is all, "FUCKERS, FIND ME SOMETHING TO DO THAT WILL NOT CRIPPLE ME."
carleton97: And he's totally got an oral fixation - see every picture ever with a smoke, a sharpie, a cup, a can of diet coke, an icepack (ok not his fault on that one) hanging out of his mouth - so he starts gaining weight again, too.
amandazillah: right
amandazillah: he's gaining his weight back which makes him pretty depressed
carleton97: so he's like 100% miserable.
amandazillah: he was so proud of losing that weight
carleton97: But he is really not going to incur the wrath of... who's preggers? Jamia?
carleton97: whoever. He's better than that, man! He can do this!
amandazillah: Jamia. I don't think Alicia is getting pregnant anytime soon
amandazillah: and as for LynZ...no.
carleton97: my thoughts exactly.
amandazillah: so Jamia or Ray's girl, who's name I'm spazzing on now
carleton97: Uh. Katie?
carleton97: Something with a K?
amandazillah: something with a K
amandazillah: yes
amandazillah: Krista!
carleton97: Yes!
amandazillah: she gets pregnant, because she's the most traditional of the girlfriends
amandazillah: and she makes everyone quit smoking
carleton97: Yes.
amandazillah: and Bob really needs something to do
amandazillah: seriously
carleton97: Because he almost hit Brian the other day (who has taken up.... hmmmmm what?)
amandazillah: [needlepoint!]
carleton97: aahahahahah yes.
amandazillah: [he makes tattoo art tea towels!]
amandazillah: [his mom displays them proudly.]
carleton97: Yessssssss.
carleton97: And someone has to quilt.
carleton97: By hand.
carleton97: None of this machine bullshit.
carleton97: If you're going to do it, do it fucking RIGHT.
amandazillah: that would be Gerard, he always had respect for the fiber arts
carleton97: yes. He took a textiles class at SVA.
amandazillah: *nods*
amandazillah: So Bob is floundering
amandazillah: everyone else are happy little crafters
carleton97: Plus, he's got an eye for color. And? He can totally find novelty fabric with vampires and shit on them.
amandazillah: yes
carleton97: Oh, Gerard.
amandazillah: he makes a bat quilt
amandazillah: for the baby
carleton97: aaaaaaahahahahahah. Yes.
amandazillah: [we gotta think of something for Bob-I'm about to pull out my huge book of hobbies.]
carleton97: I'm trying to think of somethign that wouldn't fuck up his hands/wrists anymore.
amandazillah: [so woodworking is out]
carleton97: it's got to be something where he can wear his braces.
amandazillah: [and something he can do on a bus-metalwork is out]
carleton97: And reasonably portable.
carleton97: And something that would appeal to his sense of order
amandazillah: [hmmm...*gets book*]
amandazillah: [robot building? or not bus-safe?]
carleton97: probably not bus safe.
amandazillah: [out of hobbies that I could see Bob doing, there's beer-making,]
carleton97: ahahahahah. Totally not bus safe. My friend's husband does it.
amandazillah: [candle making, which is hippie, but Brian's making little skull tea towels]
carleton97: Hm. Soapmaking?
amandazillah: [soapmaking!]
amandazillah: [because it was either that or candymaking, which he doesn't need right now.]
carleton97: Yes! And there's the added danger factor of lye, but he's manly!a;sdkljlsakdjf
amandazillah: he's good and doesn't mess with the lye on a moving bus.
amandazillah: just a stationary one
carleton97: Right, because that part is short lived. Coming up with different formulations and lye calculations and curing, that takes the longest.
carleton97: Plus, he thinks maybe he can convince Gerard to shower more often with handmade soap.
amandazillah: he starts keeping detailed logs of his soap experiements, getting someone else to type them in the computer.
carleton97: yes!
carleton97: He's totally anal about it.
amandazillah: Ray winds up doing much of the typing, in a long suffering kind of way
carleton97: He finds the online saponification and lye calculators and then starts tweaking.
carleton97: And reading about essential oils and stuff.
carleton97: Oh, Ray.
carleton97: And Bob is like, 'You should have been crafting, fucker.'
amandazillah: Hee!
amandazillah: okay, who's putting this chat up, you or me?
amandazillah: everyone needs to see the greatness of Brian doing needlepoint.
carleton97: I can.
amandazillah: doo eet!
carleton97: ok.

carleton97: I wanted someone to spin and/or weave, but couldn't think who.
amandazillah: that takes a lot of space anyway
amandazillah: so does sewing, and we already got a quilter.
carleton97: Not if you have a handspindle!
amandazillah: ooh
carleton97: Frank probably pesters Jamia into spinning vegan yarn for him.
amandazillah: She's rolling her eyes.
carleton97: heh.
amandazillah: Frank's all into his knitting, man. He starts putting his hand-knit sweaters on his site.
carleton97: aaaaaaaaaaahahahah. He learns intarsia just to make skulls and bones and shit for his designs.
amandazillah: yes
amandazillah: Alicia gets inspired by all the crafting and starts trying to make her own candies
amandazillah: this is hobbled by the fact that she has not previously ever even turned on a stove.
carleton97: And she's been around Mikey too much, maybe, because there's a small (very small!) fire in the kitchen.
amandazillah: When the third pan gets set on fire, Gerard decides that maybe she should take a class.
carleton97: Or take up scrapbooking or something.
amandazillah: Gerard nods. He really does not want his sister in law to die from trying to make toffee.
carleton97: everyone backs him on this.
amandazillah: She takes up rubber stamp art, which suits everyone fine.
carleton97: stampin' up!
carleton97: yes.
carleton97: Mikey is pleased by all the unicorn stamps available.
amandazillah: Yes
amandazillah: She gets a lot of fun, creative stamps and has a good time coloring them in.
carleton97: and embossing them!
carleton97: and glittering things!
amandazillah: it's a very twelve year old girl hobby, so naturally Mikey loves it.
carleton97: exactly.

carleton97: I think Frank would enjoy knitting people puking etc.
amandazillah: ew
amandazillah: heh
carleton97: He's also strangely drawn to super cutsey baby stuff, though, for the baby.
carleton97: Like little tomato hats etc.
amandazillah: Krista: "No."
carleton97: "But -" "No."
amandazillah: She accepted the bat quilt with good grace, but not this.
carleton97: So he knits tiny skeleton mittens.
amandazillah: Krista kind of likes those.
carleton97: He still thinks the tomato hat is cute. He makes an adult size one for Patrick.
amandazillah: Patrick: *sputter*
carleton97: Pete, otoh, LOVES that thing.
amandazillah: he gets photographed in it.
carleton97: ok, this is meeting up with a convo I had with my Jane the other day.
carleton97: lemme find it.
carleton97: because Pete'd totally ask Frank to make him a hat with ears on it.
amandazillah: hee
carleton97: so I said if I were that kind of fan...I'd knit Pete a hat sort of like your cat hat, but reddish and with bigger fox ears to go with that tail he likes to wear.
carleton97: And that: He would rock the shit out of a knit fox hat. With FUZZY EARS, RIGHT.
carleton97: and she said: It would be his favorite thing ever. Oh! Oh. AHAAAHAHAHAHAHA OMG. Okay, Pete in the fox hat, nothing else. No, no, sneakers. Matching red sneakers. AND FUCKING TUBE SOCKS. "SOMEONE DARED ME, TRICK. SOMEONE DARED ME. I CAN'T SAY NO TO A DARE. I HAVE MY PRIDE."
carleton97: And I said: The only reason he doesn't have the tail on is because he couldn't figure out how to hide the elastic waistband of it
amandazillah: heee!
carleton97: then she said: plus it felt weird against his bare ass. Like, when he sat down, it slipped between his ass cheeks and he just couldn't deal with that
amandazillah: *snort*
amandazillah: Patrick is trying to shove Pete out the door right now.
carleton97: And I said: And Patrick is all, "How long do you have to wear that get up?"

"All day!"

"We're recording!"

"So?"
carleton97: She said: After about half an hour, Andy goes, "Okay. How much is the bet for?"

And Pete grins and says, "Fifty bucks."

"FIFTY BUCKS?" Patrick shouts, and his eyes bug out behind his glasses maybe just a little bit. "You're walking around naked for fucking FIFTY BUCKS?"

"I'm wearing shoes, dude. And socks. You can't be naked if you're wearing socks. That's why dudes in porn never take them off. It's too intimate."

"Oh," Joe says, trying to keep the magazine he's reading angled just so, to act as a sort of eye shield and protect him from Pete's wang. "Like how hookers don't kiss?"

"Exactly," Pete says, and points, and maybe bounces just a little. Joe flinches and scoots down, hiding.

"That is the stupidest thing I have ever fucking heard in my life," Patrick says.

"No way, dude. No, look, it's like--"

"Okay! You know what, this isn't going to work." Andy pulls his wallet out of the pocket of his pocket. It's made from, like, recycled tree bark or something. He's really proud of it. "Okay, here's seventy-five bucks, put some fucking pants on."

"NO! I can't! I have never backed out of a bet, man. I'm not about to start now."

"Take the money, Pete, and find some fucking pants, or I'm going to put Patrick's guitar up your fucking *naked ass*."

Pete's frown could make babies cry. Not that there are babies around or anything. Since he's, you know, NAKED.
carleton97: and I said: "Where did you get that hat anyway?"

"Greta."

"Greta. Greta Saltpeter. Made you a furry hat?"

"Yes."

"god."
amandazillah: hahahahahaha!
carleton97: Good times.
carleton97: So anyway, Pete toally asks Frank for a knitted Furry hat.
amandazillah: And Frank obliges without really thinking of it, then later facepalms when he considers how crazy Pete is probably driving Patrick with it.
carleton97: It was the hissing voicemail Patrick left that clued him in: "what is *wrong* with you, Iero? Do you hate me?"
carleton97: and "If he asks you for anything else, say NO."
amandazillah: *snickers*
amandazillah: Frank feels pretty bad about it and knits Patrick an argyle sweater to make amends.
carleton97: "Especially anything panda related."
carleton97: eee!
amandazillah: Patrick accepts the gift with good grace and Frank figures he doesn't have to worry about Patrick coming for him in the night.
carleton97: He totally climbed into Bob's bunk for a few nights there, though.
amandazillah: Bob's like *sigh* "Okay, I'll protect you from pissy lead singers."
amandazillah: Gerard, from the next bunk: "Hey!"
carleton97: and frank's all "whee!" and cuddles.
amandazillah: Bob *smiles slightly*



ETA MOAR

ETA #2: We just can't let this go...

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